#I’m sure there will be plenty of fanart of this scene

[i-will-change-this-someday]

Dungeons and Daddies s2ep47 Spoilers.

I can’t draw, but the one scene in the latest episode that I can envision so clearly is at the end of the episode. Little baby Normal standing in front of a giant door,it’s ever so slightly cracked open, Normal”s half turned around, looking back towards the “camera”, a seaweed cone of hummus in his hands, he’s looking up at his dad and uncle (not shown) their shadows casting on him, he looks so scared, there’s the classic 🚨 red alarm lights 🚨, and at the top in scratchy horror font “Normal, what did you do!”

[yukirayu]

Taku and Madarame: To Heal and To Hurt

Before we get to anything, please know that I am not reading anyone for filth here. Everything I wrote for this meta is based on what the visual novel showed us and what I have observed from the visual novel, but it’s still difficult to talk about anything involving a certain character without it sounding like I’m bashing them.

Now, to start, I want to show you all this fanart (source here), which I find fascinating.

(Note: I highly recommend that you check out the rest of this artist’s work. Plenty of great TakuTowa fanart for all lovers of the pairing.)

I am promoting the fanart above because it effectively shows how Taku and Madarame are effective foils of each other. I already made a similar post before about Taku also serving as a good foil to another character (Sakaki). This post is going to be like that one, but this one is explained in greater detail; though both posts have the same goal: to compare and contrast. 

Of course, be warned of the following: 

Before you read any further, there will be spoilers, and I mean plenty of them, so I advise you not to read this if you haven’t completed the visual novel and want to complete it whilst blind. 

What you will see under the “Read More” will be long, and I mean really long and possibly incomprehensible with all my rambling, so brace yourselves. 

Every narration from the game is rephrased so that it reads in third-person, which is how it’s supposed to read in the original version. This is done to help with maintaining objectivity as I explain and point out things.

If you want to read this in a different platform, the meta is also available for reading on Google docs. 

How Long They’ve Known Towa

To start with something simple: out of Towa’s four love interests, Taku and Madarame are the only ones who personally knew Towa for a long time. Sure, Rei may technically count as well since he knew Towa since middle school, but he and Towa never interacted until they were already full-fledged adults. Towa didn’t even realize that he and Rei attended the same school until Rei pointed it out in his route.  

Taku knew Towa since he was a child, since he was assigned as Towa’s physician. As such, he was the one who would patch up Towa’s wounds or check on him when he falls ill (both of which are thanks to Maya’s “loving” care). After Maya’s death, although Taku is not legally assigned as Towa’s guardian, he still helped look after Towa for the longest time, which they both acknowledge. 

Towa and Madarame were also joined at the hip when Towa was in his teenage years and was still an active member of the Takasato-gumi. The two were basically friends with benefits, though the ‘friends’ part in the term is questionable. They often slept together because they gave each other the violence and pleasure the other wanted, and they often hung out (with Kaga) but that’s about it.  

Relationship with Towa 

(as established by the beginning of the common route)

In the common route, in what seems like a simple scene where people are having lunch at Yanagawa Café, we are already given an idea of what kind of relationship Towa has with both Taku and Madarame at present.

Taku is the very first love interest to show up. How is he introduced? Fussing over Towa and getting exasperated with him, while also subtly showing concern for him. They also occasionally hang out together outside work hours, which establishes that they’re on friendly terms. Even then, there’s the kind of distance between them where while they get along, they’re not so close that they share all their secrets. 

Towa would never know the real Taku, nor would Taku ever know the real Towa. Even though they had known each other for years, it didn’t mean they understood everything about each other. 

As for Madarame, as far as Towa knows, the man died years ago. If Madarame’s route isn’t taken, Towa will keep thinking that, especially since he no longer has any positive feelings for Madarame and would prefer to forget about him entirely. We don’t know why yet, since until after his route is unlocked, Madarame remains shrouded in mystery. Nevertheless, Towa’s disdain for him is made clear. 

As it happened, Towa knew the person they were gossiping about. A lot about him, in fact. […] But Towa would rather not remember him, and thus avoided thinking about his name or his face.

Conflict with Toono 

Until Fujieda’s route proved otherwise, the fact that Toono actively plays the role of the villain in both Taku and Madarame’s routes baited us all into thinking that he’s the only one who’s really out to give the cast trouble, and it’s not hard to see why. 

Taku owes Toono a great debt because it’s only due to the latter’s financial assistance (even though it was provided to Taku with an ulterior motive) that Taku was able to become a doctor. Even though he despises Toono and hates doing the jobs assigned to him by the Takasato-gumi because it goes against his morals, the fact that Toono aided him is something he cannot deny. Of course, Toono takes advantage of this, and even deliberately adds fuel to the fire by getting Towa involved when he notices that Taku is getting increasingly reluctant to make the drugs that Toono wants to distribute around Shinkoumi. This is what sets up the conflict and the main plot for Taku’s route. 

This aside, Toono is also the reason why Kaga died and why Towa lost his right eye, even though in the latter case, the bullet was meant for Madarame. Even then, Madarame still got wounded, yet the entire night was chaotic enough for the Takasato-gumi to give up on looking for his corpse and just claim that Madarame was dead. Madarame may deny that he’s out for revenge, but this is contradicted by him saying that “[Kaga] didn’t have to die.” This means that Madarame is out to settle the score with the syndicate, especially with Toono, and the climax of Madarame’s route even covers his blood debt finally being repaid. 

Another obvious point of comparison is how they deal with Toono. Both are given the opportunity to point a gun right at Toono and end him then and there. Both wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. Except that while Madarame - dead-set in his revenge - aims straight for the heart, Taku changes his aim at the last minute. Not because he hesitated, but because he - in his words - refuses to play by the other’s games and stoop down to man’s level for another second. 

This alone shows how Taku and Madarame are fundamentally different people. 

Personality (Indetermination vs. Certainty)

How different Taku and Madarame are is reflected in both how they’re introduced and what the player learns about them in full by the end of their respective routes. And in both cases, they’re always like yin and yang.

At the start of the game, Taku is established as someone who looks out for Towa’s well-being. While he’s exasperated with some of Towa’s tendencies (like being late for work and preferring to ingest nicotine and alcohol over actual food and water), he never tries to outright interfere…. unless you play his route, where his protectiveness starts to really rear its head, which puts him and Towa at odds with each other. 

As you progress further into Taku’s story, both you and Towa realize that Taku is far more fractured than he appears, and this can be traced to his mother’s death, something Taku has been beating himself up for to this very day. What doesn’t help as of late is his debt to Toono, which starts to actively threaten his day-to-day life; and it even gets Towa endangered due to the latter’s association with Taku. 

It’s then that as Towa tries to figure out what’s going on in Taku’s mind, he starts to realize the man’s greatest flaw. What is that? Taku always wavers, no matter the kind of decision and no matter who it involves, be it something about himself or about someone else. Because he always fears the worst-case scenario and is never sure whether he’s truly doing the right thing. More often than not, he’s not even certain of his own intentions. This has something to do with the guilt he harbors towards his mother’s demise. He fears that even if he does everything, it won’t be enough, and that holds him back. Even after he finally makes his resolve about his situation with Toono, he hasn’t completely gotten rid of his flaw in the drama CD, and Towa has to force him to make up his mind once and for all after confronting him about how he’s at it again. 

From what is heard of Madarame, almost everyone just talks about how freakishly strong he is or how he’s supposed to be dead. While we can only guess what kind of person he may be (at the time), those conversations alone are enough to tell us that he carries a very imposing presence. 

Once we finally see him, you realize that - besides the part where he supposedly died - everything else the others say about him aren’t an exaggeration. The man really is imposing, and his strength may as well be inhuman. He possesses an indomitable will and is the kind of person who will do what he wants to do, wherever and whenever he wants, and however he wants.

And remember the title of his chapter: Immutable. Never yielding, never changing– which is Madarame’s character in a nutshell. How can he be like this? Because Madarame doesn’t have any mental or emotional burdens. There’s no deep-seated scar that Towa has to find, and this is reflected in the Interrogation since Madarame is the only one where the opposite approach has to be taken to get the good ending.  

Taku and Rei are able to grow and heal if the right choices are made, and while Fujieda never gets subjected to an Interrogation since he’s able to resolve his issues by himself, he undergoes a development nevertheless and still reflects on himself. But as Towa observes, Madarame has never changed since years ago, and even at the end of the route, he’s still the same person that we saw him as from the start. He had not changed, and he never will change; hence why immutability is rooted into his very being. 

Violence (Avoidance vs. Gratification) 

Taku is a doctor and he pursued such a profession because he wants to save lives, as compensation for the life he wanted to save most yet was ultimately unable to. Naturally, he regards both life and death with grave seriousness and never regards it in a flippant manner, which makes him worry often for Towa, who couldn’t care less what happens to him. 

On the other hand, Madarame may as well be violence incarnate—he lives and breathes to fight and carries a lust for blood. If he faces an obstacle, he’ll metaphorically and literally punch his way through said obstacle. And to him, life and death is nothing more than a game, a gamble, and he finds more fun in the challenge than in the outcome.  

Now as for how this affects their approach with Towa…

Taku never does much to protest Towa’s stints whenever the latter pursues his artistic hobbies, but it doesn’t mean he likes seeing Towa either hurting himself or getting himself hurt, and he does make his displeasure known every once in a while by commenting on Towa’s wounds. Towa even remembers one time from some years ago, when Taku was absolutely furious after seeing Towa at the brink of death when an encounter with a potential model went awry.

Not to mention, there’s the way Taku treats Towa during sex. No matter what, Taku refuses to give Towa the rough treatment. At most, he will kiss and caress Towa’s scars, but no more than that. He even tells Towa that he knows his masochism is no more than a means to castigate himself. As such, Taku refuses to indulge in that, because he wants Towa to know that he’s worthy of being loved and cherished in a healthy way and that he can still feel pleasure through gentle and affectionate touches.

On the other hand, Madarame wants Towa to embrace the violence inside him and to live for violence, whether Towa inflicts it or receives it. He doesn’t mind Towa’s masochism and even seeks to indulge in it and to even amplify it, if possible. Though one can only wonder if Madarame ever saw the connection between Towa’s penchant for self-harm and the trauma of his childhood, the latter of which he’s hinted to be aware of to some degree, especially since he noticed Towa’s disdain for complete silence.

It also goes without saying that Madarame is the love interest who engages in the roughest and most violent sex with Towa. When Towa was still kept in chains as the other’s captive, Madarame showed his special brand of affection by making Towa bruise and bleed, and even after they properly rekindle their relationship later on, they still enjoy roughing each other up as part of their foreplay.  

Unconditional Love vs. Conditional Love

Since he knows enough about what Towa’s childhood was really like, Taku also knows why Towa is the way he is. He knows why Towa indulges in self-destructive habits and why he’s almost completely apathetic to the motions of life. Taku doesn’t like it and the only reason he doesn’t protest too much is because he’s held back by the fear that he may end up accidentally giving away the truth, so he plays it safe by protesting on occasion but never actively trying to interfere (except when he’s certain that Towa may get himself killed).

Even then, in the event that he falls for Towa, all the negatives that he has observed from Towa doesn’t prevent him from having feelings for the other man. In spite of how flawed Towa is, Taku loves him all the same, especially since he understands why Towa is like that. Of course, he wants to help Towa heal (as much as he can at least) and grow out of his love for pain. But this aside, plus the fairly understandable request for Towa to stop sleeping with other men, Taku accepts Towa the way he is now and never asks Towa to conform to an image he has of him. This makes his love qualify more as an unconditional one. 

As unorthodox as it is, Madarame’s love for Towa is sincere nonetheless. After all, for the longest time, he thought Towa died the same night Kaga did, and it’s hinted that this did affect Madarame to a degree, especially when he took a close look at Towa’s missing eye. Part of the reason Madarame even came back to Shinkoumi was to reunite with Towa. Madarame may like to make sardonic statements, but it’s obvious when he’s being upfront about his thoughts and feelings without the usual barb. When he tells Towa that he’s all he needs and asks him to not leave again, he meant it. 

That being said, he’ll only reach out to Towa if he sees a chance that Towa can return to being the person Madarame last remembered him being. If Madarame thinks that Towa is, in his own words, “too far gone”, he won’t bother anymore and will leave Towa alone. This is why his love still counts as the conditional kind of love. He only loves the Towa that he once knew, but not the Towa that he sees now– which is ironic since Madarame is supposed to be a man who focuses only on the present, not the past.

Towa’s Visage

The only thing that really changes with Towa’s appearance in Rei and Fujieda’s good endings is his attire. On the other hand, in Taku and Madarame's good endings, Towa doesn’t undergo only a wardrobe switch; even the color of his hair changes as well.

Taku’s default appearance has his hair being mostly black in color, though the edges still have traces of the blonde dye that he would put on when he was still a teenager.

In Taku’s Euphoria ending, Towa grows out his hair such that it goes way past his shoulders. The blonde streaks are gone and his hair color is now a full raven black. This represents how his mental state has (even if not completely) gotten better, with his appearance being reminiscent of his younger and more innocent self. He even casts aside his black attire for a white shirt and a blue cardigan, which encapsulates how he’s become more at peace and put-together, and is now able to find contentment with the simple things. While he’s still the same person overall, he no longer seeks out violence nor does he want or need it just to feel something. 

Towa also grows out his hair in Madarame’s Euphoria ending, but here, his hair is now blonde once more. Besides that, he also wears a hoodie with a design that makes it obvious to anyone who sees him that he’s feisty and rebellious, there are also the bandages on his lower torso. This reflects how he has become his younger and hotblooded self once more, with his propensity for violence now more active than passive. But since he’s no longer bound to Shinkoumi and his memories in it, he has remodeled both his identity and his love for pain, and he has become someone who always seeks to feel excitement and the rush and thrill of a fight or a beating. 

Towa’s Past, and What They Know

Taku knows plenty of sordid details about Towa’s past, but just to be clear, he doesn’t know everything. He has no idea that Sakaki is complicit in Maya’s dastardly plans. Sure, he gets wary whenever Towa gets involved with the Takasato-gumi, but his suspicions are always focused on Toono, in particular. If he even had an inkling about Sakaki, a lot of things would have turned out differently.

If one pays attention to the dialogue in his route, Taku only found out the truth about what Maya was doing to Towa after the “accident” where Maya fell down the stairs. We don’t know how he found out, but it is important to remember that it’s only then that Taku discovered what Towa had actually gone through, and it’s exactly because Taku knows how horrifying Towa’s childhood was, that he does everything he can to keep it hidden from Towa. 

If he gets caught in the lie, the most he can do is keep Towa from finding out more. Where Fujieda holds the key that allows Towa to finally unlock the doors where his memories stay hidden and repressed, it’s Taku who tries to keep every other key away from notice and from reach. 

While he accuses Taku of being dishonest and secretive, Madarame is the pot calling the kettle black. As revealed in Fujieda’s route, Madarame also knows a lot about Towa’s past, and knows enough that he can even pinpoint to Towa where Euphoria was, so it’s safe to assume that he also knows what happened to Towa during his time in that wretched mansion. 

However, what’s interesting with Madarame is that in his own route, he doesn’t tell Towa what he knows; but in Fujieda’s route, he gives Towa a hint.

We already know why Taku opted to not tell Towa anything, On the other hand, we’re left to guess why Madarame changes his gears from saying nothing to dropping some clues. It’s at least obvious that he didn’t do it out of altruism, so that makes it highly likely that he either withdraws or reveals the truth only because he felt he had something to gain from it.

Now, this is just my speculation, but I think he did either with the same goal in mind: to distress Towa in such a way that it will drive a wedge between him and the others.  I’ll expound on this later on in another topic.

Taku and Madarame, Mei and Maya

Because I was apprehensive about saying or even analyzing any more about Madarame due to the thought that I might end up coming across as if I’m dragging him, it took until buzzin_buzzard’s tweet for me to fully acknowledge the similarities that could be found between Madarame and Maya, of all people. I summed it up in TV Tropes, but I’ll go into more detail for this meta. 

I made a meta from before where I briefly likened Taku to Mei, since they’re both the only figures from Towa’s childhood who showed him kindness and made him feel safe, even if only for a short while. The key difference between Taku and Mei was that Mei knew exactly what Towa was going through (since she was in a similar situation herself) whereas Taku had no idea what was happening at the time. Nevertheless, they were the only two people who were not out to harm Towa, because everyone else hurt him, whether it was intentional or whether it was because they were coerced into the act (i.e. Ikuina and Asakura). 

Both also helped throw a wrench in Maya’s plans. Mei told Towa that he had to get away from his mother. Their attempt to escape may have ultimately failed, but that event still left an impact on him because that small taste of freedom allowed him to realize what could be waiting for him beyond the opulent halls of the mansion, and especially because of what he would eventually find out with regards to what Maya did to Mei in retaliation. When Towa learned exactly why Mei died, he summoned the will to defy Maya for the very first (and only) time, and it led to what would eventually be Maya’s demise.

However, just because she died doesn’t mean she’s gone, not with her final order to Sakaki. Unfortunately for both the mastermind and the adjutant, the trauma of the incident stripped Towa of his memories, which waylays their plans. And Taku (unwittingly) makes sure it stays that way by never letting Towa remember his childhood and letting him live in ignorant bliss. Of course, it’s not all good; the damaging trauma of Towa’s childhood had already left his mark, resulting in his hedonistic and masochistic tendencies. Still, without the recollection of his childhood, Maya’s plan is left at an impasse, and it will stay that way in Taku, Rei and Madarame’s routes. 

Now, this is the part that I was afraid of talking about the most, but if you take a moment to think about it, Madarame and Maya mirror each other to some degree. Madarame is so physically strong that nothing and no one can beat him, but that’s why he gets bored so easily. Maya was a master manipulator and can control anyone she set her sights on, but deep down, she felt isolated and her psychopathy did nothing to sate her loneliness. 

This is where Towa/Haruto steps in.

As Madarame states outright in his route, he feels that only Towa can give him the exhilaration he wants yet can’t find with anything and anyone else, and that only Towa can understand his bloodlust and his love for pain. 

You are the only person in the world who I consider my match. You want what I want. You feel what I feel. With you, I'll never be bored. And you feel the same way, don’t you?

With Maya, there is the very fact that she wanted Towa to follow in her footsteps both literally and figuratively. One likely reason is that this is also her way of ensuring that her legacy will go on. Another possible explanation is that Maya believed if there was one other person who acts and thinks the way she did, life won’t be so forlorn anymore.  

In her last recorded message: I asked Sakaki to fulfill one last request for me. I asked him to help you find true happiness in my place, and to make sure that you’d become my successor.  

Madarame isn’t the most expressive kind of person, but it doesn’t automatically mean he’s as emotionally stunted as Maya was. He just has a very good rein on his emotions, and even if he’s very unconventional about it, his love for Towa (even if it’s only to a certain kind of Towa) is sincere. Maya - even if she could perfectly emulate both affection and tenderness - felt that she could never love, yet believed that she loved Towa as best (worst) as she could. Her brain is undoubtedly wired wrong (and really, really wrong), but her admission is also undoubtedly a genuine one. 

And they both express their love in the only way they knew how: violence. Madarame inflicts it directly by making Towa bruise and bleed whether it’s consensual, nonconsensual, or a bit of both, whereas Maya does it indirectly, letting her clients have their way with Towa, regardless of what they would do to her son. They both think that it’s because Towa/Haruto enjoys it and that it makes him look even more beautiful. Of course, we know that Towa finding arousal in the rough treatment that Madarame gives him reflects how he made himself love pain as a subconscious coping mechanism for all the torture he suffered at Maya’s hands.  In Fujieda’s words:

By accepting the trauma others would inflict on you, you desperately cling to the last shreds of your personal autonomy. Cutting yourself was a self-destructive impulse— a punishment for being worthless.

With this, there is the main reason why Taku and Madarame are bound to always be at odds with each other whenever Towa is involved. The reasons are, in essence, similar to the reasons which explain how Mei and Maya contrast each other, especially with regards to Towa. 

In Towa’s childhood, Mei was the light in Towa’s life, where Maya was the darkness. Mei was a symbol of purity, hope and innocence, and Maya was essentially corruption in human form, luring and poisoning everyone around her. Because of this, Maya saw Mei as a “toxic influence”  in Towa’s life and had her killed. This is hugely ironic since it’s obvious who the real toxic influence is, but anyhow…

Similarly, though it never escalates to murder (if only because Madarame is someone who prefers to beat up someone instead of killing them outright), Madarame still kidnapped Taku, held him hostage, and also threatened him. And if you remember, there is a brief moment in Madarame’s route where he questions why Towa feels the need to cover his eye with a patch, and one should keep in mind that it’s Taku who takes care of Towa’s injuries. This scene alone already sums up their opposing viewpoints to both Towa and to violence. In this case, it’s easy to put Taku in Mei’s position, and Madarame in Maya’s. 

This consequently shows the difference in how they’d react if - in a route where neither is the chosen love interest - Towa figures out his past with someone else’s assistance, and what kind of person he could become once he learned enough.

Reaction to Towa’s Growth (in Fujieda’s Route)

Madarame’s presence in Fujieda’s route is very brief, but a lot could be drawn from it nonetheless. Just like in his own route, he holds Taku hostage to draw out Towa. However, the circumstances and the venue are different from before. 

Instead of the back of the clinic, they now meet at the outskirts of the Deathmatch Area. Instead of being forced to meet with Madarame in private to ensure Taku’s safety, the entire gang has gathered, all wide awake and conscious with varying awareness of what’s going on. And instead of Madarame telling Towa that Taku is lying to him, Madarame points Towa to his mother’s mansion. 

This all culminates in Fujieda and Madarame exchanging blows, and right as the latter is about to land a crippling hit, Towa intervenes halfway to take a hit for Fujieda… which immediately ends the fight since Madarame loses interest then and there. 

Why? Let’s recall how the entire scene was narrated.

As Fujieda doubled over, Madarame began to launch another attack. 

“Madarame!” Towa rushed over and jumped in between them. 

Madarame’s fist grazed Towa’s head as the latter hit the ground, landing on his stomach.

Taku dashed over to Towa’s side. Meanwhile, Rei slowly pushed himself up while gritting his teeth in pain. Fujieda frowned at Towa, then turned his head and glared at Madarame. 

However, Madarame seemed to have lost all interest. His arms hung limply at his sides. His self-assured grin was gone, replaced by a pair of cold eyes that stared down at Towa.

“I never knew that you were such a drag.” (Note: Based on the context and the tone that was used, the original JP text of the line「･･････つまらないことをするな、お前」 could also translate to “I never thought you would do something so absurd,” since the word ‘tsumaranai’ can be used to describe something that’s either boring, trivial or foolish.)

Enduring the pain, Towa glared back up at Madarame as he continued kneeling on the ground.

Contrast this to Towa’s reaction in Madarame’s route after he gets confirmation that Taku is keeping secrets from him, just like Madarame warned. This lands the final nail in the coffin for Towa’s belief that he can never return to his old life, which leads him to do this:

Rei, “You’re heading towards the Deathmatch Area! You hate Deathmatches, right? So why are you going there? …To see Madarame?” 

Towa remained silent, causing Rei’s brow to furrow deeply. Towa glanced at them, then turned and started walking.

Rei, “Don’t do this, Towa! Why?! Why are you going to him? Don’t go!

Taku, “Towa!”

Towa could hear their anguished screams. But as he kept walking, their voices faded into the distance. Their desperation could no longer reach him.

Towa had realized who he truly was, and he was not the kind of person who belonged with them.

He belonged somewhere else. 

So back to our original question: why did Madarame suddenly lose interest in the fight? Why did he suddenly decide to not bother with Towa anymore? Because to him, seeing Towa rush in and defend someone else is a sign that Towa had changed too much for his own liking. Sure, Towa showed some spunk in that act, but it was not the kind of spunk he wanted.

Not only that, but the act also indicated that by that point, even the threat of learning more about his past won’t sever any bonds that Towa shares with the other three (Taku, Rei and Fujieda). In other words, Towa will continue to have attachments to his home, or at least some of the people in it. No chance of burning bridges for good and leaving with him. And so, Madarame exits the scene.

Madarame – much like a ghost – completely fades away from Towa’s life. After he’s informed by Kotarou about what the man is up to next after ambushing the Takasato-gumi, Towa doesn’t bother thinking about him for another second.

And now, let’s talk about Taku. For almost the entire first half of Fujieda’s route, Taku was obstructive and unhelpful because he also feared that Towa would change. But in his case, “change” means the possibility that Towa could never recover from learning the truth—which does happen and nearly ends in the worst-case scenario. Taku had nothing to gain from keeping anything, yet he was willing to risk earning Towa’s anger and resentment by staying silent even as Towa attacked him, chewed him out, and pressed him for answers.  And Towa has a very good reason to be pissed at Taku, even if you can see things from the older man’s point of view. 

However, it should be made clear that while Taku’s actions were questionable, they were never once done out of malice or selfishness, which is saying something compared to say, Sakaki. Towa even comes to understand this, which is shown in two instances. One is in this dialogue from when Taku and Rei got patched up after their scuffle with Madarame.

“....Towa?” Taku mumbled. “Are you mad at me?”

Towa looked at him in silence. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“For hiding [the truth] from you.”

“But you only did it because you thought it was for the best, right?” 

The other instance is the update in Taku’s entry (from the codex): 

I’m sure Taku had his reasons 

When Towa manages to conquer his trauma in the good ending, Taku expresses relief and is even proud of Towa for it, acknowledging that Towa has truly matured and changed for the better with a smile on his face. In turn, Towa expresses his appreciation towards Taku, and it’s clear by then that their relationship has completely mended. 

Taku: All this time, I was scared of you getting hurt. So instead, I figured you were better off not knowing anything at all. But you were stronger than that. You remembered your past, overcame it, and then you came back. It's clear to me now... You just aren't the same little kid you used to be. 

Towa: Well, obviously. But I couldn't have done it alone... Turns out, there is value in connecting with people. I just could never see it. 

Taku: What do you mean? 

Towa: What I mean is... I wouldn't be standing here today without every single person in my life.

Taku: … I’m amazed you just said that. Now I can see for myself– you’ve actually overcome it. I can’t describe how relieved I am. 

With this, in contrast to Madarame, Taku remains an important figure in Towa’s life. In Volume 4 of the AfterStory drama CD, Towa takes the initiative to thank Fujieda for getting Taku exonerated and released early. In another scene, Taku confides to Fujieda about everything that happened before capping off by saying that he trusts Fujieda to look after Towa. Even when the story takes another path such that their relationship remains platonic, it nevertheless is a deep and important one for them both.  

Closing Remarks

Now that I think about it, the only reason the Taku vs. Sakaki meta is a bit shorter than I expected is because I had to make it fit into Twitter’s format. Had it occurred to me back then to just upload it all on Google Docs, I would have gone all out with comparing those two (note to revamp that meta later on, R.I.P. me). 

I admit that I’m biased towards Taku because he’s just one fascinating character all around, combined with the fact that he can serve as a foil or a mirror character two at least three other people who are connected to Towa’s past for a multitude of reasons– which fortifies my opinion that Taku would also make for an excellent “true” love interest besides Fujieda. 

At the same time, it’s also fun to try and analyze Madarame even if, at the end of the day, many things about him remain an enigma despite the fact that everything about him is supposed to be already on the surface. And without a translation of his AfterStory drama CD, a lot of things about him will remain a myth for me. 

Once again, if it sounds like I was insulting Madarame in this meta, I was not. Either way, sorry in advance and please don’t kill me. ^^; 

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

I honestly just found your account two days ago, and I instantly fell in love; not even dramatizing by the way! Then, as I continued looking through your page, I found out through one of the anonymous asks that you were the one behind the crafts of Suckerpunch. What a small world we live in? Both literally for how little the BatCrow community is, and theoretically, to think I blindly bumped into you once more. I’m surprised, but that’s not to say I’m not thrilled. At least now, I can enjoy your other creations and check up on how you are, while you’re foraging for inspiration and/or motivation before the next chapter release. As an artist and a writer, myself, I totally understand the struggle of supplying the laborious demands of creativity, especially given that we will eventually be exhausted of ideas or mental energy. Although for the time being I am lurking in the shadows, I hope that one day, I can share my BatCrow art and writings to you too. If you don’t mind, I’d like to make fanart for your fic! Anyway, please take care of yourself, and know that me and your other supporters love your work dearly!

this is a very sweet ask! thank you a lot for taking your time to send it to me! an’ i hope that you’ll continue enjoying your visits here! 

an’ yeah, scarebat community is indeed small, but it’s also kinda comfy an’ cozy tbh. all the folks in here, that i happen to chat with are pretty nice n' chill! an’ then, everyone also kinda ‘see’ each other around too. our tag is smaller, than our community, i believe. but it’s indeed peculiar, that you wander here on accident! i’m glad, that you did! it’s always nice to hear, that my stuff can be fun for someone else. an' that scarebat isn't the rarest ship in fandom. i honestly, glad when someone can enjoy it, even in casual manner.

i agree with you, inspiration can be a tricky mistress. there is many things that can tamper the creative process, *work an' other irl stuff as well* but honestly, sometimes a break is needed. or we just need to do smth else an’ return recharged. an’ oh, i would love to see your own take an’ creations for the ship! i think, that our niche interests being well, that niche thing provides a lot of ground for different people to explore things for themselves with a less ‘influenced’ outlook. so it will be neat to see new scarebat things in tags or just in general. no pressure tho! take things at your own comforting pace! 

an’ oh my, sure-sure! i would be honored! offering a writer to draw smth based on their story is a huge praise in its own! it’s also gives me a chance to see how folks imagine characters look *bat an’ ‘crow have a plenty of designs after all* or how they see the scene. it’s a pretty unique experience. 

thank you again for the kind message! it mean a lot! i always keep those close to my chest =)

[noitar-arat]

⭐⭐⭐ real talk i have been dying to chat with you about ur writing but i've been so "AHHH" about it

AAAAH myself to you too😭

Director’s Cut

Hmm I definitely have a lot to say about some of my fics, but for today I’ll talk about “Matter of Honor�� because that was my first vaynemille fic and apparently the one most peeps know me for (to the point I saw one peep brought it up in official server and my soul proceeded to leave my body pls why must you mention it in official)

A-hem

Back when I first played g22-g23, being a fresh returnee to mabi, I never got a chance to grieve over Talvish because the moment Vayne appeared oh boy the effect he had on me…the design(I’m weak towards edgy looking bastards), how the dialogue constantly states he stares at your milletian…THE TOUCHING OF FACE AND HIS STUPID SMILE….a-hem. The point is I was falling HARD and what better way besides making fanart to express how much I adored this bastard.

Write fanfic! Smut fanfic! Though the actual smut is like waaaay at the end and is like three paragraphs top at best!!But! That was my goal, to portray the slow burn desire that transpires between Vayne and the millet. In this case my millet but not millet Elise!

(The face of a fool with horrible taste in men)

I’m sure I already talked plenty about Ellie before so I’ll keep this part brief, but one of her most defining traits is that she can be quite the pushover and is always the one to suggest giving people a chance (even if said people might not deserve it. Something she needs to learn coughs).

Vayne, as much as her passive ass does irritate him, he does use it to his advantage as he sees fit. Like arriving at her doorstep, drenched in dirt and blood knowing full well her kind nature won’t reject him.

Any sane person would have prolly chased Vayne out of their farm with a shotgun (atleast that’s what I would do if I saw a freaky guy clad in demonic armor standing on my porch) but alas my poor fool of course lets him in. Once that door closes, here is where their dance begins as Elise immediately becomes overwhelmed by the scent of blood and the implications of said blood (did I mention she has a murder fetish, people always freak out about this over her cannibalism for some reason shrugs).

I realize now we never learn what his exact duties are as a member of the BMO at the time I wrote this, but I always figured Vayne had to at least have taken part in hunting down potential victims for the cult or spies trying to infiltrate the order. I don’t believe now with everything we know that he does mindless killing BUT…he is(was) the Destroyer, was responsible for the biggest war that transpired in erinn(not to mention setting lose the dragon in Tara castle).

But going back to the start of the dance, Elise is busy having an internal battle with herself for desiring Vayne SPECIFICALLY when he has freshly killed someone as she already struggles enough as it is it’s desiring her enemy in general. I could go into a tangent about this, but basically Elise has always had a morbid fascination with violence, not on a massive scale but more personal 1 versus 1 kind of situation. Is part of the reasons she first became drawn towards Vayne, sensing immense power from him, later for him to confirm to her he is a hardened warrior just piqued her interest more. And her interest becomes piqued once more.

We enter now the next scene where the dance prepares to escalate, inside the washroom where everything transpires. I had a lot of brainstorming concerning where they were gonna do the do, originally it was going to be a bathtub since that is usually the norm in medieval times and the positioning required would be easier with their height difference.

But I thought about it more, I truly wanted a claustrophobic setting with Elise trapped and personal space non existent between them to make it more intense. So after a lot of thinking it over(and doodling it) I went with the small shower stall route. And I know a shower stall may seem modern, but like, this game is still a fantasy world with a lot of inventions that would have never existed in medieval Ireland. So I took liberties and figured Elise would have eventually discovered how to set up a magic plumbing system. The fountains in Tara and Belfast imply a plumbing system does exist already, at least in the cities.

Here we enter the first escalation as Vayne is being his charming self and offering some major insight on how he got his very tiny injury. And because he is a perfectly normal gentleman he uses it as opportunity for roleplay and he just so happens to have the best rp partner for it.

Look at her, getting into character so quickly, a dream rp partner /s

Sadly the roleplaying doesn’t end well, as Ellie tries one last futile attempt to kick him out (I’ve been writing post g25 Ellie a lot and I realize she would have set him on fire at this point otl). It doesn’t work obviously, this is a smut fic and I must build it up and the pretense of trying to get rid of him, which SHE can..if she truly wanted, is just part of it as we get balls deep into it.

Hehe get it, balls, cuz he took off his pants-shot-

This part was my favorite to write the inner conflict Ellie is having here as she has to battle between keeping her pride and not allow herself to be pushed around anymore or embrace her craving for intimacy. The rest of the fic deals with it as these idiots are just challenging each other to see who is the most horniest (both, both of them are just different ways to portray it). Either way I just realized both situations could have been wins, she gets dick regardless at the end.

Anywho, that’s it for my commentary, and rereading the fic again there’s so much I need to rewrite sobs

[rubifer]

Tagged by @sugaraddictarchangels , thank you so much!! <3

Your name: Blue on the internet hehe!

Your first fandom(s): Percy Jackson, then Marvel!

Your current fandom(s): Supernatural, Doctor Who and Star Wars, among others!

How did you first get into fandom? Like others, searching for Percy Jackson fanart! I actually got into fanfiction by reading fics of Percy getting beaten up and tortured. Normal kid fjhgskfds

How long have you been engaging in fandom spaces? Joined Tumblr in 2015! I was invested in ff.net for like a year before that.

How often do you read fanfics? Every day, baby. Or very nearly.

Top three characters from your current fandom(s): HOW DARE!!! Okay uh.

Star Wars: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Padme Amidala

Supernatural: Michael, Lucifer, Ruby

Doctor Who: Rose Tyler, the Master, Tenth Doctor (David Tennant)

Have you ever written fic for a fandom? I have written fic for several fandoms hdfgsk. In total: Percy Jackson, Marvel, The Librarians, Doctor Who, Supernatural

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Yes, for Supernatural and Doctor Who! I haven’t posted it though my art sucks dfjghs

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: I have plenty, but I am very protective of my queer!sam headcanons. Textually, I would argue he’s even more queer-coded than Dean, but even without going there I get annoyed when people automatically give him the cishet wingman role.

(In his Stanford days he went to a drag show. It made him feel things)

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? For spn I’m making them watch 1x03 Dead in the Water. It has all I enjoy about spn case episodes while having enough proper character development to get hooked - it’s the ep that made me decide to watch!

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? Fandom was the first place I joined that made me feel entirely myself? It made me realise so many things, my queerness only one of them. I genuinely don’t know what kind of person I’d be without it - I’m not sure I’d like her tbh! So yeah, a place to be carefree and to reflect on things without being judged.

Tagging @archangelsammy @synesindri and anyone who wants to!

[sarahowritesostucky]

Haunting artwork every time I see it. This piece always makes me think of a specific scene in Commander's Omega (though I wrote the arm as being removed higher up).

The Commander's Omega - excerpt from Ch 13: "Freedom From"

📖"Freedom from" ||| Rated T

Bucky’s in the communal showers. It’s afternoon and he’s the only one in there. The only reason he’s allowed the privilege is because he’s newly back from his trial and … punishment. He won’t have to rejoin everyone else in the daily routines until he’s better-healed, off his pain meds a bit.

He stands to the side of the spray, letting it hit his right side but not his left. It’s funny, he thinks as he dispenses soap from the container on the wall: he feels drained and hollow, has barely cried since the surgery. He knows he hasn’t processed it yet, hasn’t made peace with it. When he does finally face it, he knows he’ll freak out, but his mind is shielding itself for now.

He can’t handle thinking about the fact that he has no left arm anymore. He can’t. Bucky let them do it, and that’s the part that he needs to not think about the most.

He could have fought, he thinks as he soaps his chest up, then his shoulder (he avoids the left one). He could’ve fought hard. He’s not exactly a frail guy, after all. He’s way bigger than most male omegas, and he’s had military training, besides. He could’ve at least put up some sort of fight, once they’d gotten him to the hospital. Maybe could’ve tried to take one of those little omega girls in the emergency room hostage, held her in front of himself like a shield to get out onto the street. And then …

He sighs, turning around to let the water hit his back. No, he thinks. It would’ve ended the same.

“You need help?”

He glances up. Brock, again. He’s watching him. It seems to fall to this guy more than any other. The caretakers don’t like to deal with troublemakers like Bucky if they can help it. They leave menial tasks such as this to the guardians. “M’fine,” Bucky mumbles. He makes no move to shield his modesty. That’s not something he really thinks about anymore. They’ve taken that away from him, just like everything else. And he’s pretty sure Brock won’t try to touch him, anyhow. The man hasn’t tried yet, and he’s had plenty of opportunity.

“It’s a shame,” Brock muses, clearly staring at the amputation site. His eyes don’t hold disgust, which is a mystery to Bucky. Bucky's seen it—it’s terrible looking. “You’re a handsome guy,” Brock says. “Sort of guy I would’ve gone for, before.”

Bucky’s eyes widen, alarmed. He’s never heard a guardian talk about before. It seems to him that The Faithful don’t really view before as before. It was just a time of preparation, anticipating, a waiting game; like they always knew they’d wind up here. True Believers don’t remember before as something to be missed. Rather, it was just a time of confident anticipation, like the Jews waiting for their exodus back to Israel (or something like that. Bucky’s knowledge of the bible is pretty iffy). “I’m sorry, what?” he says, standing numbly under the spray of the shower and staring at him.

Brock shrugs. “You’re a piece of work, Barnes. But I kind of liked your spirit.” He offers him a grin, less sarcastic than usual. “Did they cut that out of you too?”

Bucky’s lips tighten and he turns back around in the shower. He wants to say no, that they haven’t taken that yet.

Maybe he can’t handle thinking about his arm too much yet, but even worse is the idea that maybe, just maybe, he’s starting to really think that this is going to last. That unlike before, there won’t be an after.

Maybe he’s just stuck like this, and should give the fuck up.

Fanart Appreciation Drabbles Masterlist

The Commander's Omega (Ao3)

[qierxing]

Any blog recommendations yandere x reader ?

POV you have activated my non stop talking NPC dialogue

Oh god I have so many people for you bestie —I rarely do get the chance to just gush sincerely.

Please check these wonderful people out and remember to read/heed any rules they have.

@galair - My bestie in the whole wide world, sexy painted fanarts and thotty excerpts galore (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) Her artworks feel so buttery and smooth with her painted strokes and the colors is just off the charts. Composition for sexy tense scene? She gotchu — 10/10 would follow(And her commissions are open!!!).

@ddarker-dreams - A legend in the yandere Genshin community, her works are just phenomenal. I especially love how she does world building and context—I often easily lose attention with long subtext, but the way Lock does it is just artful in that it ends up being the beautiful ribbon that ties up the whole story. If you like a good balance of plot and yandere, she’s your author.

@yandere-daydreams - Love, love how they do prose. Don’t know how to explain it, but the way the sentences flow into each other…poetic cinema, if I dare say it(bestie please tell me how you manage to make your runon sentences super sexy). The way dialogue flows in their fics is just so natural and sometimes makes you laugh or gasp scandalously. You’d be hard pressed to find anyone else like them.

@saekogun - Known for their yandere Genshin college AU. I love how June sets up their world and how they explores their concepts—it’s almost you’re like a player in a game with how in-depth they go. Gave me so many brain worms about many fun different concepts of characters in different scenarios, it’s seriously impressive.

@stupid-sloot-headcanons - Amazing succinct and sweet excerpts/thoughts about many yandere stuff—perfect for a morning newspaper read. Will manage to get you horny within a couple sentences, mark my words.

@merakiui - Came for the yandere Genshin, stayed for the Azul thirst trap. No. 1 person to go to for Octavinelle brainrots (Need to get that Azul fix man). The way she writes visuals...beautiful. I swear I can see her words become actual pictures in my mind's eye.

@love-toxin - Has a good variety of fics on different media, from Eddie Munson(you’re almost getting me bestie)from Stranger Things to Leon Kennedy(every day I think about that fic. you know what I’m talking about) to SPIRIT HUNTER(i’m not normal about this media period. the second game is coming next year). Truly an eye opener for the things that I never knew i was into; thank you for your service.

@99-nct - Cha, my beloved <3 Their writing has grit and an edge that always makes you keep coming back for more. Want to feel your heart clench? No other author has got you covered like Cha.

@jackplushie - Recent follow for my TWST fixation, they have cool and unique AUs and prompts that I’ve enjoyed perusing.

@yandere-sins - So many good fics, truly keeping us all fed here. I can swear by their smuts, it's the hot shit of the century. Their Alien series is to DIE for, literally.

@yanmaresu - Thrilling yandere x reader art, need I say more? They also have great excerpts with their pieces.

@shiny-jr- Another one of my fav TWST blogs—they explore lots of prompts and what-ifs' in TWST world and it's always a treat to read due to how fleshed out it's written.

-

There’s probably plenty more that I can’t remember right now, but please do check my tags if you would like to see more people. I run a queue on various works that I’ve enjoyed reading immensely, and the authors of those works are sure to deserve a reblog and a follow!

Also small reminder that I see your replies and send much love, I just can’t reply cuz this is a side blog and I will die before revealing my main blog handle.

[olderthannetfic]

I grow weary of the HP/JKR discourse.

Honestly HP - Dramione to be exact - is my first fandom, and my oldest. I’ve read for it for 20 years, over half my life. I used to be more involved, and when I was younger I bought some merch, but I haven’t bought anything new for HP in over 7 years, and I won’t in the future because I don’t want to monetarily support JKR.

But I bought the films 10 years ago. My books are older than that. JKR doesn’t get any money from me re-reading once every 5 years or watching physical media I have owned for decades. HP got me through some really rough points in life, when all I wanted was to escape. I grew up with Harry and the rest. My best friend, who is the 1 person in my life that I trust to share every part of myself with, we became friends at first because neither of our friend groups were into HP and we could talk about it with each other. We’ve been best friends for 20 years now, and I wouldn’t have her without all the bonding we did through our shared love of HP at first.

I get why people cut it out entirely, I can understand why some people choose not to engage with it at all. However, I don’t agree that creating or engaging with fan works means implicit support of JKR or her beliefs. Sorry not sorry, but me reading fic and leaving kudos and liking fanart of a non-canon ship gives nothing to JKR. The argument that free fan works are keeping HP alive and giving JKR money simply through “exposure” doesn’t ring genuine for me, not when there’s literal theme parks and public channels play the movies and businesses pay for licensing to make HP costumes, and mugs, and bedding, and dishware, and watches, and everything.

There are plenty of fandoms that survive and thrive that have no or very little merch available, it isn’t necessary, and people can really just stop buying HP stuff - like I did. And some companies have stopped their HP stuff, and I’m sure that trend will continue, but I doubt they will ALL stop, because in the end JKR isn’t the only person with shitty beliefs.

HP isn’t my only fandom, it’s not something I give 100% of my attention to, and I fall into new stuff all the time, but this whole idea of recommending other things to replace HP in peoples’ lives? Regardless of how many other books I read or shows I watch, HP is irreplaceable in my life. That ship has sailed. It sailed over 20 years. I don’t go on about it all the time or even recommend that people read them now, I tend to talk about more relevant media on a day-to-day basis (House of the Dragon, superhero stuff, Star Wars, Doctor Who, The Queen’s Thief books, All Souls books-and show, etc). But none of those can replace what HP was for me, and still is to a degree. I have to scroll down to see all the Ao3 bookmarks when I open a new tab because I have so many, but nothing else will ever comfort me like a fluffy Dramione one-shot after a truly awful day. Because they were the first ship I really fell in love with, and it’s been 20 fucking years.

I’m just tired of seeing posts about how people should read The Magicians instead (which, there was a rape scene and pedophilia - in the show at least - so not something I would put in the same category as HP) or Warrior Cats (please). By all means, recommend media you like to people, recommend new things and don’t engage with HP at all if you don’t want to. But please stop acting like it’s as simple as liking something new will make people stop liking HP, or that they’ll get the same things out of them. Sorry, this turned out way longer than I planned.

--

[gaydennisreynolds]

be hot do crime: season 1 episode 4 - charlie has cancer

Number of Shirts Worn by Dennis: 7

Number of Crimes Committed: 1 - by Mac. He pays The Waitress $250 to have sex with Charlie, which I'm pretty sure would count as a 3rd degree misdemeanor for soliciting prostitution.

Best Shirt: the ICONIC red sweater from this episode. He's soooo. He looks like someone you'd sit next to in a college philosophy class who would come across as a sad little tortured soul with a beautiful face and you would be like oh I can fix him and his smile would entrance you and then you'd realize he was toxic halfway into an edible in the basement of his Dad's beach house in California but it would already be too late for you. You'd be in too deep.

Overall Episode Rating (on hot/crime metrics ONLY): 8/10. Dennis looks so good this whole episode it cranks the rating up, but it disappoints on the crime front. 

CURRENT SERIES CRIME TALLY - MAC (5), CHARLIE (5), DEE (4), DENNIS (3)

All outfits worn by Dennis in the episode under the cut, organized in order of cuteness, with commentary added.

the green polo that won as best shirt in s1e2 returns, and this time in a very cute domestic macdennis scene in the og apartment set! he looks silly and a bit gay. 100/10. i used this pic as fanart for one of my 8tracks mixes

he spends most of the episode in this black sweater which looks so comfortable but also is a very good color for him. can you tell i dress myself for comfort exclusively? i took plenty of screenshots where you can see the sweater better but none of them were as cute as this one:

tshirts. tried and true. classic. makes him look like a regular guy in a hot way. this color of grey suits him much better than his usual grey selects

i like how mac and dennis play basketball so much just because that’s what it sounds like glenn and rob did in their 20s. anyways not loving the grey but i do enjoy the...como se dice...fruitiness of his puffy little vest.

entirely unremarkable button up. don’t feel anything about it. True Neutral personality alignment as a shirt.

these colors are soooo clashing baby please don’t ever wear this again. but look at how he looks at mac. let’s focus on that and move past it

BONUS OUTFIT: twink Mac in all his fluffyhaired babygirl smiling from ear to ear glory. look at him. he’s precious

[circular-time]

Ten years ago, @spacetimeconundrum drew this great fanart illustrating a scene I wrote set around a peculiar little asteroid which had just set the astronomy world on its ear. Astronomer Felipe Braga-Ribas and his team announced they had detected two rings around 10199 Chariklo, a Centaur — an asteroid beyond the orbit of Saturn. Until Chariklo, astronomers had thought dwarf planet Haumea was close to the lower mass limit needed to hang onto a stable ring system.

I haven't followed subsequent research— I assume they've sorted out the physics. But I'm having huge FEELS tonight over photos of fuzzy, distant blobs. From a 2023 NASA blog post about a new team's observations of Chariklo using the James Webb Space Telescope:

There she is. Chariklo, which until now I've only seen in my mind's eye and STC's fanart, Ten years later, she's still holding onto her rings.

That's Chariklo passing in front of a distant star. I don't know which of those flickers is the dimming of the star's light as the rings pass in front. But astronomers have ways of sifting through the noise (it helps that the shadow from the rings will be identical on each side, in reverse order). From this data they were able to calculate the rings' size and composition.

They're water ice. Which is what I imagined in the fic I wrote ten years ago, right after the rings were first discovered. Scene excerpted below:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doctor looked over the seals of Nyssa’s suit, nodded, and tapped a patch on his shoulder, reflecting as he did so that her excessive prudence was starting to rub off on him. “Comm check.”

“Loud and clear, Doctor. Shall we?” She hitched up the tool bag slung over her shoulder, glanced towards the doors to orient herself, and flipped her sun-shield down.

“Lower your opacity. We’re a long way out from the sun. Are you sure you don’t want me to carry that?”

Her smile was audible. “The weight will be negligible outside. In fact, I’m more worried about floating off.” She paused to adjust her visor controls.

“No chance of that, I can assure you, even with a running start. 10199 Chariklo is a respectable 250 kilometres across, rock and iron, plenty of mass. I couldn’t bowl a cricket ball into orbit.”

“But you might be able to bat it over the horizon?”

“Now, there’s a thought,” he said, glancing towards his coat hanging on the hatstand. That was the trouble with spacesuits: never enough pockets. “You know, I may have to try before we leave.” He reached for the door control. “After you. First footsteps on the surface of a pristene— Nyssa!”

Stepping out into a low gravity field was always a tricky manoeuvre. Nyssa had not been the first companion to learn that lesson the hard way, with an ignominious face-plant during a past excursion. This time, she kept a hand on the door and reached out with one cautious toe to probe the footing. Her glove slipped as she leaned out, caught off-balance by the satchel's loss of weight but not momentum. With a surprised cry, she fell forward and then... up. The Doctor lunged as she made a flailing grab for the top of the TARDIS. Before he could reach her, her boots had drifted out of his field of view.

“Careful!” she called down, determinedly calm, although he could hear her breathing quicken. “Escape velocity is under five metres per second.”

He almost smiled, despite her grave predicament. Trust Nyssa to fall back on science to ward off panic. “Steady on, I’m coming to get you.”

“Latch onto something first!”

“I know.” Berating himself for never having installed a ring under the console, he drew out a retractible cable from his suit's midsection and snapped the carabiner onto the hatstand. Turning the stand sideways, he stepped out and pulled the doors to behind him. Then he looked up. Vertigo mocked his inner compass. Nothing outside the TARDIS made sense.

Uneven ground sparkled in the light streaming out of the crack between the TARDIS doors. Chalky powder and ice crystals yielded like caked sand underfoot. The irregular but marked curve of the horizon and its bright surface showed him at once that this was not Chariklo, the rare ringed asteroid they had come to see.

Overhead, the sky was black and strangely solid: a vast opaque canopy scalloped like obsidian or a lump of coal, pockmarked with sparse grey impact craters. Nyssa was almost invisible against that dark backdrop, a glimmering ghost barely illuminated by light reflected from the ground. With no recognizable markers to serve as reference points, it was difficult to tell that she was moving away from him. Instead, she appeared to be revolving slowly in place, suspended a score of metres overhead. As he sought to determine her course and speed, she began to drift across the other oddity in this minimalist environment: a wide ash-coloured band, fuzzy along its edges, that stretched overhead like an impossibly straight cirrus cloud extending as far as the eye could see.

Registering this bizarre view with one small corner of his mind, the Doctor quickly calculated the velocity he would need to overtake her— just. Too much speed, and his momentum might cause a deflection when they collided, kicking her beyond his reach. Yet every second was precious. He reached up to brace against the TARDIS overhang, bent his knees and pushed off. Like a second leaf falling into the current of a sluggish stream, he began to follow in her wake, keeping his eyes fixed on her boots as she twirled above him.

“Either you landed us on the wrong asteroid,” Nyssa said, sounding strained, “or Chariklo’s suffered a catastrophic impact. Whichever it is, next time, you can have the honour of planting the first footprint on an uncharted world.”

“We can discuss inaccuracies in the navigation library later,” he said. With a sinking feeling — ironic, under the circumstances— he began to suspect that he had missed the right vector by a fraction of a degree. His trajectory was not tracking hers precisely. As they rose metre by metre, he saw that he was likely to pass her just out of arm’s reach. “Don’t panic,” he said, trying to turn sideways so that she would be able to grab his legs. It was no use, of course. There was no air resistance, nothing to push against to change his orientation.

“I’m not,” she said. Perhaps he had been addressing himself. “But Doctor, I don’t think—”

“I know,” he said with forced cheer. “Poorly bowled. I’ll have to climb down and try again. Wait here. Won’t be a moment.”

“How long is the safety line?” she said, her clipped tones betraying the fact that she already knew the answer.

Another of his incarnations might have sworn. Rising at a little under a metre per second, he had already payed out at least seventy metres. The remaining thirty were rapidly running out. There wasn’t enough time for him to reach the ground and make another attempt before she was out of range. There was only one chance left. For his next try, he would have to untether himself, catch up to her, and throw her back towards the TARDIS. He might have just enough strength to reverse her course. There would be no margin for error.

“Doctor, you mustn’t!” she said, and now she sounded afraid.

“I knew I should have brought a cricket ball,” he muttered, reaching for the switch to retract the safety line.

As he glanced down, he heard her gasp. That small sound was a knife’s cold slide between his hearts. “Nyssa!” For a dreadful moment, he thought she had released her helmet to head off his own self-sacrifice. Then he realised her course had altered ever so slightly. She was spinning towards him. The tool bag was floating away behind her shoulder.

Straining against the stiff fabric of his suit until the joints creaked, the Doctor reached out and flung his arms around her right knee as she drifted past. “Got you!”

There was a moment’s cautious scramble as he reeled her in and hugged her against his chest. Helmets banged together with a painful crack. Before they were quite stable, he felt the tug and jerk as the safety line checked his upward motion. He had caught her with only three meters to spare.

“Nyssa, hook onto me.”

“Right.” Despite breathless agreement, she clung to him with arms and legs like a panicked feline fetched out of a tree. He forced himself to wait, listening to the pounding of his hearts, until she could will herself to let go, trusting his grip while she drew out her own emergency line and clipped it to his belt. They both let out an explosive breath in relief as the carabiner locked into place. Twin puffs of air blasted their microphones with a rude burst of static, and they found themselves shaking with laughter.

“Well done,” he said, when he could speak calmly again.

“Sorry I lost your favorite rock hammer,” she whispered, slipping her arms around his chest as far as she could reach.

“Yes, well, I'm sure Iain would be delighted to know of its final resting place,” he said, a little muffled. His suit’s air recycling system had revved up to clear condensation inside his helmet.

“Wherever we are,” she scolded.

“About four hundred kilometres from our target,” the Doctor said, finally allowing himself to contemplate their surroundings. “Not a bad miss, considering the limited data. We’re at Chariklo. Or rather, under her.” He tapped Nyssa’s elbow lightly and pointed up, through the grey dusty lane hanging above them, to the pitted black surface some four hundred kilometres above. As they revolved, he caught a glimpse of stars beyond the limb of the humble rock below them.

“I don’t understand.”

“We landed on a moon,” the Doctor said, excitement beginning to return. “That’s what’s maintaining the integrity of Chariklo’s ring system: a shepherd moon, less than ten kilometres across, invisible to earth-bound instruments. Possibly more than one.”

“Ah.” Presently, her rigid embrace loosened. “I‘m... I’m all right, now. Thank you, Doctor.”

With her tether as insurance, they eased away from each other until they were clasping hands. They spun together in a stately waltz, drinking in the lonely vista. The lumpy, misshapen little moonlet dangled a hundred metres below, lightly frosted from the icy dust blown off by the rings. They were floating midway between the rings themselves, smoky Chuí arching beneath the unnamed moon, Oiapoque hanging overhead like a narrow beach without sea or land. Far above, the dark, craggy mass of the parent asteroid formed the ceiling of this monochrome expanse.

Abruptly, the ground below them blazed into brilliance as they cleared Chariko’s shadow. Refraction added a hint of iridescence to the frost and the rings as the angle of sunlight shifted.

“Well now,” the Doctor said, “that was worth seeing, hm?”

“Oh, yes,” she breathed.

Eventually, the spellbinding moment was broken by Nyssa’s soft giggle — residual nervousness, he suspected. “The TARDIS is following you like a puppy. She’s floated free of the surface.”

“Well, she’s very attached to me.”

“Yes, Doctor.” Nyssa gave his hands a tight squeeze.

Chariklo’s Shepherd Moon

Based on Circular Time’s lovely Five/Nyssa story This Bird Has Flown.

[opalesense]

darkest fantasy

childe & f!reader (NSFW)

3.7k words • ~30 min. read

summary: one night you decide to make one of childe’s darkest fantasies into a reality, but as the night progresses, things don’t seem to go according to plan. at least... not according to your plan.

warnings: cnc, sexual assault, blood, death, knives, outdoor sex, lil comfort at the end i promise

notes: saw fatui agent childe fanart and AWOOGA... anyway i tried putting some in game screenshots in this for that extra ~immersion~ and might do that more often in some future fics if you guys want! thanks for 200 followers and i hope you enjoy!! ; ^ ;

“I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP,” Childe’s eyebrows furrowed as he rested a hand against his forehead, clearly flustered by the way he chuckled his nervousness away. “You really get me to say the stupidest things, [Y/N].”

 “It’s not stupid at all! C’mon, lighten up a bit!” you placed a hand on his arm and inched closer to his face, sensing the warmth in his cheeks. His shy eyes connected with yours when he let out a deep sigh, thanking you for the validation without him needing to say anything. It was rare to see him this nervous.

 “We’re not going to do it, babe. You asked me to tell you a secret fantasy and that’s all it’ll ever be. A fantasy. Just something in my imagination.”

 He gave you a quick kiss on your forehead before pulling away from you and walking towards the bedroom door to call it a night, but you quickly gripped him by the wrist to pull him back which immediately grabbed his attention. Swiftly, you leaned in to mutter words into his ear that would echo in his head for the rest of the night until the next day.

 “Luckily for you, the thought of doing it gets me a little excited. So why don’t we try to make your fantasy into a reality?”

THE HARBOR’S NIGHT LIFE always flourished near the end of the week. Plenty of workers who had weekends off would fish by the docks, street performers and storytellers would entertain families passing by, and restaurants would be packed full with hungry customers craving for the delectable cuisine of Liyue. Teenage friends gathered in front of the theatre while the elderly seemed to congregate by the teahouse. Children ran across the pavement from time to time flying kites and playing with butterflies. Liyue was truly fascinating during the night, full of a liveliness that always put a sense of joy in each heart that walked through its streets.

 Yet when you walked through the streets, lacking a companion and cold from the slightly revealing dress you wore, there was a sickly mixture of giddy excitement and wrenching anxiety in your heart. You had loosely planned this night with Childe so you knew what to expect, but at the same time, you didn’t. You had no idea where he was, what exactly he was planning to do to you, or when it would all start in the first place since you had been wandering around the harbor for about an hour now. All he wanted you to do was “wear this dress and enjoy your evening,” as he said in his own words. But he simply left you with those vague instructions as well as a bag of Mora to indulge yourself with.

 Even if he didn’t show up, the highlight of your night would be the mouthwatering dinner you had by yourself along with the sight of people offering lanterns to the sky. It was a beautiful night indeed.

 Another hour of wandering and occupying yourself with activities passed and you were feeling restless. The thought of Childe made you squirm in your seat, excitement flooding your nerves as you craved to see him now more than ever.

 If Childe’s following me, I should go somewhere less crowded, you thought.

 Assuming he was watching you at this very moment, you decided to make things easier for him, leaving the storyteller’s pavilion and walking across the bridge heading towards Mt. Tianheng. Mindlessly wandering and following the dirt path, you began to veer left towards the Golden House, but the distant sight of the Millelith immediately turned you back around.

 Not there.

ON YOUR WAY BACK to the main path, you noticed a smaller, less travelled road wedged between two large rocks, the dimly lit lantern sitting up ahead enticing you to follow where it leads. You found yourself curiously walking up the hill, taking in the starry night sky and whistling trees until you turned the final corner to see a group of miners idly standing around, bantering with one nearby Millelith guard.

 They noticed your sudden presence and waved hello, to which you waved hello back. One of the miners, who leaned against a cart full of iron, was the first to fully acknowledge you. “Hey, are you lost, miss?”

 “Oh, no, not at all. I was just curiously wandering around, taking in the sights and all,” you grinned politely, glancing up at the calm night sky. “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it boys?”

 “Taking in the sights, are you?” another miner slowly approached you, a few more starting to pay attention to you. “You know, you’re certainly a sight to take in too with that pretty little dress of yours.”

 You had completely forgotten that you looked very out of place with what you were wearing – a short traditional-like dress with a small hole exposing a small area of your chest. Your eyes quickly widened as you processed what the miner said, but before you fully realized it and came back to your senses, the men had circled around you and were getting dangerously close. You instinctively reached down to grab the blade that was usually tucked and sheathed in your belt but after grabbing nothing with the realization that of course, you were wearing a dress, genuine panic began to seep in.

 “What’s a pretty girl like you doing out late at night looking like that anyway? You’re practically begging to be touched,” a man’s voice behind you teased, grabbing your hips as he emphasized that last word. You swiftly elbowed him in the ribs to defend yourself and temporarily push him away, but the other men were quick to react as a pair of hands grabbed your arms and pinned you into place.

 You snapped your head towards the Millelith guard, expecting him to do something to help you as a protector of the harbor. But he simply stood there at his post, glancing away as soon as you met his eyes. And if Childe were watching, you were sure he would have stepped in by now. He was often the jealous type anyway. But while the men slowly pulled you under a nearby deteriorated pergola despite your thrashing then greedily groped your body, help was nowhere to be seen.

 All hope you had for a fun night was gone. Tears swelled in your eyes as you attempted to kick away the hungry hands but it was no use. Please, you silently prayed, someone help me!

 As if someone had heard your prayers, the sound of a projectile zipping past your head followed by your arms being freed from the man who was restricting you was the sound of freedom. The others looked up in horror and paused their advances as their friend dropped injured behind you. Suddenly, a dark figure leaped from the hill above and landed on the ground confidently, quickly pulling out two blades then lunging forward to the miners, catching them by surprise. You took this temporary moment of freedom to kick the hands off of you and scramble away, running back towards the path. You could hear the sounds of bodies thumping to the ground behind you coupled with loud groans of agony, and you can only imagine what your unknown savior looked like but all you could focus on was getting away as soon as possible with the limited mental strength you had.

 But much to your dismay, one of the miners still managed to grab you tightly and drag you back, and every time you wiggled away, they had a strong grip on you. Sobs of desperation escaped your throat, “Let me go! Let me go, please! Help!”

 “Leaving so soon?” a different voice growled in your ear as the man’s grip around your waist tightened. It was deep, distorted, and certainly anxiety inducing. You looked down in a flurry of panic to see black and red sleeves wrapped around your figure. This was not one of the miners.

 The man lifted you up a few inches from the ground to turn you around. You were faced with bodies littering the floor. It had only been less than ten seconds and the entire scene was drenched in blood. The sight of the freshly killed miners as well as the one guard made you tremble in fear rather than feel grateful for being saved just now.

 “I think I deserve a reward for protecting you from those filthy bastards, wouldn’t you agree?” the man inched you closer to the bodies but you closed your eyes as soon as you could recognize the open wounds from his blades. “At least a thank you would be nice.”

 “Get away from me!” you yelled and thrashed in his arms again but quickly stopped once you heard the sound of his blade being unsheathed. You opened your eyes to see a bloodied dead man at your feet as well as a knife at your throat, pressing gently at your fragile skin.

 “You’re a tough one, aren’t you? I wouldn’t be so resistant if I were you,” the man’s gravelly voice was definitely unfamiliar but his tone and inflection reminded you of...

 “Childe....” you weakly muttered under your breath, which made the man laugh in response.

 “Childe, you say? You have something to do with the boss?” he pressed his hips harder against yours, his erection subtly throbbing underneath his clothes.

 “So you’re Fatui, aren’t you?” you mustered enough courage to make your voice sound threatening enough. You let out a sarcastic laugh despite your low confidence. “You have no idea who you’re messing with. Once Childe finds out about this, your life will be over within seconds.”

 “Who are you to say something like that?” he slowly began walking the two of you over to the nearest wall, a large rock that cast an equally large shadow from the moonlight. “I’m surprised a dumb little slut like you would even know his name.”

 Your eyes squinted at the insult. “You don’t need to know who I am. All you have to know is you’ll be dead by tomorrow morning.”

 “We’ll see about that,” he suddenly used his free arm to turn you around so your back slammed against the cold rock. You finally looked up at your captor to confirm your suspicions of this predatory savior. He was certainly part of the Fatui, his red and black mask concealing his identity with yellow glowing eyes staring directly at you. His arm positioned itself directly next to your head so he could hold his blade against your neck again, threatening any potential thoughts of escaping. His other hand suddenly grabbed the open space in your dress and pulled down, ripping the fabric in half and exposing your half naked form, eliciting a loud gasp from you. Panic began to seep in. How could I walk back home practically naked? Would I even end up alive to come back home?

 Before you could use your arms to cover yourself up in an attempt at modesty, he pressed the blade to your neck that even the slightest movement would ensure spilled blood. “Don’t even think about it.”

 He looked up and down at your body, humming with satisfaction as he began to unzip his pants and free his cock. You couldn’t exactly take a good look at it with the knife restricting your range of motion, but even then, you weren’t sure you wanted to look. His free hand gripped your bare waist. “And to think that those other filthy men were about to get their hands on this... You really should thank me.”

 Another gasp escaped your throat as he slowly dug his hand under the strap of your underwear. His leather gloves snaked their way further down, inching closer and closer to your core. You could feel his grip on his blade tighten with his tensed muscles. “That was a command. Thank me.”

 “T-Thank you,” you whimpered as he pulled down the last bit of clothing you hid behind. He let out a satisfied groan at the sight of your aching cunt, which you hated to admit was dripping wet from thinking about Childe earlier in the night. Even now, you really hated to admit this situation was somehow turning you on, even though you were simultaneously disgusted and shaking in fear.

 “You’re practically soaking for me, aren’t you?” the man let out a slow chuckle as he dipped a gloved finger into your hole without warning. You gasped at the sudden penetration, careful not to arch your back into his touch with the knife still pressed at your throat. The man began relentlessly shifting his finger in and out of you and watched your face squirm with pleasure and denial at the same time. He maniacally chuckled at the way you were completely unsure of how to feel, and wanting to hear you moan louder instead of quietly pant and sigh, he inserted another finger and picked up the pace.

 “Your cunt is so tight, you know that?” he teased, “If you’re moaning like this now I can only imagine how my cock will make you feel.”

 “N-No, please,” you moaned out helplessly, “Please don’t...”

 He pulled his fingers away and quickly shoved them into your mouth while it was still open, freeing your throat from his knife and slowly trailing it down your body while he made you suck on his gloved fingers, wet from your own fluids. The cold metal found itself settling right above your hips and with no hesitation he began leaving flesh wounds, the leftover blood from the men easily being mistaken as yours at first glance.

 “I’m going to put away the knife, but you’ll be a good girl for me and stay still, won’t you? You saw what I did to those men. It would be a shame if you met the same fate just because you wanted to escape,” he sheathed the blade and pulled his fingers out of your mouth to grab your waist, forcing you to turn around. He bent down slightly to get a hold of your thighs, and in one swift move, folded your body into the likings of a full nelson, your legs hanging onto his elbows with his chest pressed against your tense back. As he reached his hands to clasp behind your neck and push your body into the intense position, the connection between this man and Childe made your eyes light up.

 This was one of his favorite positions. No way it was just coincidence.

 “So it is you, Childe,” you happily grinned as he turned the both of you to face the bloodied mess from before so he could lean against the wall. His touches seemed to get more familiar as the realization sunk in, but at the same time, you wondered if your mind was just playing tricks on you to make the best out of the current situation. You sat on the fence of either blindly believing this mysterious man was Childe or giving into the reality that this really was a stranger.

 “You’re delusional, slut. Childe has nothing to do with this, I don’t know why you keep mentioning his name,” he hissed in your ear, getting more and more irritated.

 You finally glanced down for the first time since nothing could restrict your neck anymore. To your delight, you smiled at his throbbing cock twitching as it waited at your entrance, aching to stir your insides. You giggled sweetly, finally relaxing with a deep sigh. You now knew with certainty that you were safe. Everything was under control. His control.

 “Childe, I recognize every inch of your cock like it’s second nature,” you stared at his familiar length then reached out to wrap your fingers around the tip, the muscle twitching in response. “You’ve never been this hard before... You must be so excited right now.”

 “One more word out of you about Childe and I will kill you right here. Do not test me.”

 “You wouldn’t, right? You love me too much,” you boldly declared, teasing him for staying in character. When he didn’t answer and instead shifted his cock to push his tip inside you, you let out a sharp exhale. He went in too fast, too rough. Even if you were dripping wet, the way he shoved himself inside you was merciless and tore you apart immediately.

 You tried to find the pleasure in it but as soon as he started thrusting not even a few seconds later, you worriedly whispered, “S-Slow down... Please! It hurts, Ajax-“

 “You’re going to take all of it in. Maybe that’ll teach you not to be an annoying, disobedient brat from now on,” he interrupted.

 Destroying you was an understatement of what he was truly doing to your body. He would repeatedly pull his length out before shoving it back in, rolling his hips so naturally with each thrust having clear intention to break you apart. Your cunt visibly throbbed, the excruciating pain slowly turning into ethereal pleasure from the attention it was getting from his thick shaft. He closely listened to the way your cries turns into gleeful moans, excitedly fucking you as his mind further indulged in the fantasy. After all, this entire night had been exceedingly frustrating and enticing to him and to take out all his pent up energy on you was the only thing on his lust filled mind.

 Soon enough, his thrusts began to roll in harder as he held onto you tightly, his moans becoming more intense as the only thing on his mind was how good he was feeling, fucking you in front of the kills he certainly prided himself on. Similarly, you felt your insides burn at the feeling of being manhandled and treated like a toy, or the way he began moaning your name in a low whisper as you felt his cock twitching inside you, aching for release – the first time he had ever acknowledged your name tonight.

 “[Y/N], baby – fuck!” his distorted voice cried out, “I’m... I’m gonna...!”

  “Me too...!” you felt your legs shake violently as you neared your climax, “A-Ajax!”

 He let out one final thrust, burying himself inside of you until his length plugged up your sore hole and dumped his seed deep inside you. His load came in pulses, slowly coating your insides with moans of ecstasy ringing in your ear as he rested his chin on your shoulder. Your cunt quivered as you reached your release as well, your fluids swirling with his to make one happy mix of satisfaction.

 The both of you stayed in this position, panting and trying to calm down from your highs. Childe let go of his hands behind your neck and positioned them to hold your knees without pulling out of you, allowing you to freely move your head again. Though, you didn’t want to take your eyes off of his cock buried inside of you, opting to keep your head hanging down to actively avoid looking at the bodies in front of you. Childe must have noticed this, and of course, he had to say something about it.

 “Sorry about... them. I hate... really hate when people try to mess with what’s mine,” he took a deep sigh as he slowly pulled out of you, watching his cum ooze out from your cunt to drip down to the space between his shoes. The sight could have been enough for him to push for another round, but he figured now wasn’t the time. He had the urge to explain himself.

 “I was just so mad and... though I have to admit, seeing their blood on my blade got me so excited... wait, I think I might’ve gotten a little too excited,” something seemed to have clicked in his mind when he said that, “Baby, I’m so sorry! We shouldn’t have done this, I did so many things to you, I’m so sorr-“

 “It’s okay, Childe,” you slowly turned your head to his so your faces were only an inch apart, his mask being the sole barrier that stopped you from kissing him to shut him up. “I had so much fun. Did you?”

 “Of course I did,” he slowly placed you down to stand on your feet again, which was admittedly tough since he had fucked the life out of you. He briefly held your waist to stabilize you as you wobbled back and forth, his cum now dripping down your thighs. He then lifted his hood up to reveal his fluffy red hair and took off his mask, throwing it to the ground to meet you with teary eyes.  His voice was no longer distorted by that cursed mask, and a look of genuine concern sat in his deep eyes.  “I-I’m so sorry for scaring you, [Y/N]. I could see it in your eyes the entire time and I hate to admit that it turned me on and now I feel so bad–“

  You swiftly pressed your lips to his, finally shutting him up from his rambling. He responded by eagerly returning the kiss, cupping your face in his hands and closing his eyes. For a moment, his troubles melted away once he realized you weren’t upset with him, and millions of thoughts about how much he loved you raced through his mind. But It wasn’t long before he broke the exchange, taking off his hooded garments to drape it over your cold, naked body. It was apparent he put thought into this moment, already wearing his normal clothes underneath the Fatui uniform as if he had planned to cover you up from the start. He made sure to pin it closed and fasten it tightly, ensuring that every exposed part of you was warm and covered. Once he was done, he pulled you in for a hug, holding you tightly as he stared at the bodies behind you, sighing contently.

 “I love you, [Y/N]. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and letting me have tonight. We really don’t have to do this ever again if you don’t want to.”

 “I love you too,” you smiled sweetly. “Just... next time, please don’t keep me waiting so long. The uncertainty was thrilling but I was sure I was going to die back there.”

 “I’ll keep that in mind next time. I just got caught up with the Millelith because I’m dressed like an agent, then I lost sight of you and... wait,” he pressed his forehead against yours and gently, yet eagerly whispered with a grin, “so there’s really going to be a next time?”

[commsroom]

Hey✨! (First will just say you by all means don’t have to answer this! Representation and interpretation of ai characters is something I’m really interested in so just wanna hear some of ur thoughts if your up for it!)

I’m curious as to whether you have though about how ‘human’ interpretations of Hera are and whether the want to represent her but the lack of understanding on how being an ai would feel (for obvious reasons of, we are not ai) effects how much people portray her as ‘human’ to try and understand how she works (drawing her with eyes that look at screens and hands that fiddle buttons to work the Hephaestus, making outcomes where she can get physical affection, something we consider staple to our relationships because humans need physical affection where an ai might actually not ect)

Also!! Just wanna disclaim I do not mean interpretative ai characters in more human ways is bad at all and all the interpretations are incredible, I’m just interested in how ones own humanity may affect that interpretation. Have a good day!

okay, this ask is so old by now; i’m sorry if you don’t even see my answer. but i wanted to make sure i could link you to some version of this post first, so... if you're mostly interested in my perspective on 'human' interpretations of hera and how i think that fits into her canon perspective/self-image/portrayal, then. your answer is (hopefully) in there.

i'm going to try to be brief and not rehash everything i said in that post, hence... why i'm linking the post... but i think the question of whether hera would express a desire for physical interaction or affection is kind of. already answered by the show itself, in that she canonically does experience physical loneliness in the way she perceives herself 'away' from the rest of the crew in memoria. like, if it's a question of AI Characters in General, then i absolutely agree that it's unfair to assume they would necessarily have the same desires or priorities, but... i don't know how much that particular discussion is really relevant to hera.

something else i didn't bring up directly in that post, but i think is worth considering: wolf 359 uses plenty of audio tricks to suggest inhuman or nonlinear perspectives at other points in the show, but it doesn't make much of an effort to ever apply those from hera's perspective. if anything, hera comes across as more human from her own perspective because of the added physicality in her self-perception and the lack of filters on her voice (and the addition of filters on everyone else's, further equalizing them and suggesting physical distance rather than a different state of being entirely.) that doesn't change that the reality of her situation is more complicated, but it's an intentional choice in what it communicates about hera as an individual, and in what it says re: how hera fits into the show's broader theme of asserting and recognizing humanity in people who have been dehumanized.

i think there's also just a question of practicality when it comes to fanart, like... hera can be an equal presence in an audio format in a way that she couldn't be in a visual one, so if you want to represent the feeling of a scene rather than Literally How It Would Look, you have to make some choices there. like with my personal design for hera, i ask people to draw her with that kind of blue hologram look, but i don't think that's either. literally how she looks, or how she sees herself. it's just a design choice that i feel will make her more recognizable.

i definitely don't expect everyone to come to all of the same conclusions that i do, but i think... based on the way all of this information is presented in canon, i think we can get a pretty good sense of how hera sees herself. i think it's important, at least, to acknowledge that she does have that internal self-image, that it matters to her, and that however she might feel things throughout the station due to the ways she's connected to it, the station itself doesn't represent a physical sense of self for her. again, she does express a desire for physicality and she experiences physical loneliness. so, while i can't definitively say why any individual artist might choose to, i do think that representing hera in a more 'human' way is a reasonable extension of her canon portrayal.

at the very least, i hope this answer + the linked post make it clear that this is something i've put a lot of thought into, and that i'm not making these claims lightly or out of an assumption of human physicality as the default. and i want to say, i totally get why a lot of people who feel not-quite or other-than human tend to get very attached to AI/robot/etc. characters, like. i am one of those people! and given the track record of a lot of sci-fi, i know how frustrating it is when it feels like Being Human is treated as something necessarily aspirational, or as if it's interchangeable with Being A Person. that's why it's important to me to be clear that i'm talking about hera's specific circumstances, her own self expression, and that i'm only talking about hera.

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)

[soysaucecas]

i’ll lend you this, i’ll lend you that (ao3)

1k, t4t samjess’s first meeting at stanford the rhonda bit is inspired veryyy heavily by this fanart by @skepticalfrog written for @spnprideweek day 1: coming out

cw for some unintentional misgendering

-

Sam brings a journal to Stanford to record the names and faces of everyone she meets. This is going to be her home for the next four years—no packing bags in the middle of the night or saying hasty goodbyes to half-baked friendships she’ll never find again. The people she meets are here to stay. She’s here to stay.

California’s hot in August (though not as hot as some of the places Sam’s been), so Sam ties their hair up. They’re not sure how out they plan to be here yet; honestly, they’ve been going back and forth about it every night for weeks, but some guys have ponytails, so it shouldn’t be too risky. Sam takes another quick look at the students in their first day orientation group. Some of the students look super preppy, but there’s plenty in extremely casual wear, plus some scene kids. She sees a few people with outrageously-dyed hair, and one guy who seems to be wearing lipstick. No one is bothering him, nor is anyone shooting her looks yet, and it’s still hot even with their hair up. Can she…?

With a slight rush of adrenaline, Sam takes the bottom of their shirt and ties it off at their waist. Rhonda Hurley had shown them how to make any shirt into a makeshift crop top years ago, and Sam’s muscle memory follows her simple instructions well, even if their hands are shaking a little. It’d been one of the many bits of wisdom Rhonda had imparted on Sam during the one year she was in Sam and Dean’s lives, bits of wisdom she’d always dropped with a small smile that seemed to say, “just for us girls, huh?” Sam doesn’t feel entirely like a girl most of the time, but the word always felt right coming from Rhonda, who was always okay with Sam crashing her and Dean’s dates and regularly called Sam her trans sister-in-arms.

Alyssa, the orientation leader and tour guide, lets them take a ten-minute break for water, bathrooms, and socializing. Sam gets the names, faces, and cell numbers of Sarayu and Brady, though her sketches end up being far less detailed than she’d like. Looking down at her first filled page, she finds that it reminds her a little of John’s hunting journal. The thought makes them shudder. No more hunting, no more monsters. Sam’s not going to kill anyone in this book. As soon as they can borrow someone’s stationery, they’re going to draw colorful borders around each entry, borders so floral they’d make the old man gag.

“Five minutes left!” Alyssa says cheerily. “Just to give you a little taste of what’s to come, we’ll be going to Meyer after this.” She delivers the next line like a joke, but no one really laughs—“Don’t tell anyone this, but it’s actually my least favorite library.”

“She’s perky, isn’t she?” someone next to Sam whispers. Sam turns, confused, and their neighbor inclines a head towards Alyssa. Sam stifles a startled giggle. The speaker appears to be a blonde girl, pretty, and wearing a clearly well-loved friendship bracelet. She gestures at Sam’s notebook, which is still open. “Art major?”

Sam, flattered, shakes their head. “No, pre-law. This is just sort of… a phonebook. I have people’s names and numbers and what they look like in case I forget who they are.”

“Hm. Very cool,” Pretty Girl says. “Can I be next?”

“Sure,” Sam says. “What’s your name?” She tells her, and Sam asks, “Is that with an I-E at the end or just a Y?”

Jessie or Jessy chews on her lip, as if considering something. Her gaze returns to Sam’s midriff (Sam resists the urge to cover up), and seems to come to a decision. “Just… just with an E. J-E-S-S-E. Jess for short.”

Sam tries not to react, but they clearly do a bad job of it, because Jesse steps back a little. “Is that a problem?” he(?) asks.

Sam shakes her head rapidly and starts scribbling the name down like her speed might indicate her acceptance. “No, no, definitely not. I think… I think that’s really cool, actually. Did you”—there are definitely better ways to ask this, but oh well—“did you pick it yourself?”

Jesse relaxes immediately. “It was a collaborative effort.”

“Got it. Phone number?”

Jesse rattles off a cell, then asks, “What about you? What’s your name?”

“Me? I’m Sam.”

“Short for Samuel?”

Sam considers agreeing; after all, that is what it says on their birth certificate, but they stop at the last moment. “Short for—short for Samantha, actually.” The flash of recognition in Jesse’s eyes is both thrilling and terrifying. Sam quickly adds, “But maybe don’t go spreading that around.”

Jesse makes a lips-sealed gesture, eyes dead serious. Sam laughs gratefully.

“So,” Sam says, as quietly as she can, “do you—do you go by ‘he,’ or by ‘she,’ or—”

Jesse unzips his(?) mouth before replying, “Any of the above? Though… kind of like you said, you should probably stick to ‘she’ when there’s unfamiliar people around.”

“Deal.” Sam sticks out her hand, and the two of them shake on it. Jesse holds on a little longer than necessary, a small smile playing at his lips.

“It’s good to meet you, Sam. Really, what are the chances?”

Sam considers the question. “Pretty low. I didn’t know if I would find any tr—well, any people like me at Stanford.”

Jess nods. “I wasn’t that hopeless, but I definitely didn’t think it would happen day one. It is college, though. And California.”

Sam’s not certain what the significance of either of those things are, but before she can ask, Alyssa is calling the group back together. The rest of the students get back in formation behind her. Sam looks down at the second page of her notebook, which just has “Jesse” and a phone number written on it—no portrait yet. Damn. Though, Sam thinks, looking up at Jess walking ahead of them, maybe that’s a face she won’t need help remembering.

[srapsodia]

FINALLY someone who shares Vesemir hcs. Not to get too negative, but I feel like the fanon views of him as “best dad” make it hard to explore other interpretations. I’m always scared to write him too grey because I inevitably get people like “:( no soft Vesemir?” Vesemir’s not the only character fanon does that to, of course, but I could go on for ages about that. Anyway, super happy to see people sharing thoughts outside the most popular fanon. No hate to people who like the fanon, though!

Haha I feel like I'm plenty guilty of falling into popular fanon tropes too tbh. Because it's fun! Sometimes you do it for the meme because you're enjoying yourself!

The problem with characterization in fanart specifically I think is that depending on what you do, unless you're going for something long or willing to write all your thoughts after, you're only putting down a moment. And it's pretty easy for characters to appear very flat because of that. I like drawing funny things and soft things! I have deeper thoughts on the characters though, but I don't usually get to share them because of that haha.

And even when i DO more serious stuff I don't like putting down thought bubbles or overexplaining the scene, cause I think there's also value in people's interpretation of my own fanart, if that makes sense.

But in general yeah I try to keep a level of ~perspective~ on the characters. The fact that they're all flawed people is what makes them interesting tbh!

And also there are different days when I want to see different things! Some days I may look for more realistic character studies, where these things are more explored. Some other days I just want to read a domestic scene in Kaer Morhen where everyone is having a nice family time.

i think it's cool to give yourself the space to explore what you want at that moment, and if people dont like it there's plenty more other fics out there with characterizations that may be more to their liking. But even if it's not a majority, I'm sure there's an audience out there that is interested in reading more nuanced takes!

[scilesweek]

Hello, Sciles enthusiasts!

I can’t believe it’s already one month for Sciles Week!!!

So, as promised, I'm going to give the general ideas for the prompts in more detail. But, as I said if you don't feel inspired by any of them you can write your ideas and tag us so we can share your work! We are also creating a collection in AO3 to make it easy to locate all works done for Sciles Week.

However, you can still tag us in your promotional post for your fanfics, fanarts, edits, etc., even more so if they will going to be on Tumblr only :D

Anyways, here are the prompts again! Remember that everything here are just a few suggestions/ideas. You can grab the prompts and run in whatever direction you feel more inclined to.

September 5th - POV Outsider/Favorite Colors

1: For the first day of our event, it wouldn't be exciting to see how people view Sciles from the sidelines? How is their relationship seen by their other friends/pack members? By the other students? Or by the adults? Or even by their enemies?

2: What are your favorite colors for them? What colors do you think are complementary to their personalities and them? Or better yet, what colors do you associate with their most important moments in the show?

September 6th - Sleep Intimacy/Favorite Hugs | Hugs in general

1: What's their sleep intimacy? Do they feel most comfortable when sleeping together in the same bed or in the same room? Is it platonic or not?

2: Your favorite hugs from them in the show, or maybe just all their hugs! All hugs, comfy hugs, strong hugs, I love you hugs, I missed you hugs, I'm so glad you're alive hugs! All these hugs!

September 7th - Road Trip/Song Lyrics | Poetry

1: Travel! Oh, we all know we deserved some good travel episode for the show in general, am I right? Why not create our own? It can be mid-series, after all, they did go to Mexico and come back by car, or New Mexico. It can be pre-series or even post-series. Or none of them, and be a complete AU. Your choice!

2: What's your favorite song-lyric for them? Or Poetry? Platonic or romantic, it doesn't matter! Just what song or Poetry makes you think of them?

September 8th - Scars/Favorite Quote

1: The show sure gave these boys plenty of conflicts and scars to last a few lifetimes, if we are honest. So, let's delve into them. What scars are invisible? Which scars healed and don't show but have lasting effects? Which scars are linked with good memories? Which scars represent their forced growth in a world that expected them to save it? What scars do they have from each other or for each other? So many possibilities!

2: What is your favorite quote from them of the whole show? Or favorite quotes? They are funny, deep, or tear-inducing?

September 9th - Summer Nights/Favorite Parallels

1: This one is very open. It can be pre-series, during the series, or post-series. Should they be all the summer nights they spent together? Or separated? Or the nights they had the time to stop and process everything they went through or are going through? Or just fun nights they spent in each other's company or with their friends? This has so many possibilities. What would be Sciles' summer nights for you?

2: What are your favorite parallels in the show for them? Moments from different times in the show that has some parallels that you just enjoy so much. Or even parallels with other characters, your choice!

September 10th - Talks we should have had/Favorite Scenes

1: One thing we all agree is that the show was really bad on follow-ups, so why not talk about all those conversations they didn't have on the screen? We have Scott's bite that was never talked about in detail. Or Stiles kidnapping in season 2. Scott and Stiles sacrifice to the Nemeton to save their parents or Stiles Nogitsune's possession. Scott almost dying again in season 4 or his berserker transformation. Stiles Donovan's trauma, and Scott's actual death in season 5. Stiles being erased from reality, and Scott's penchant for sacrificing himself for others in season 6, and so many other instances that we never got a talk between them and what happened to them.

2: What are your favorite scenes of the show where they are together? Their awesome moments we just love so much? They have so many, and I really would love to see your favorites!

September 11th - What's yours is mine, what's mine is yours/Favorite Heartbreaking Moments

1: As the name suggests, and since they know each other for basically all their lives, what things do they own that they don't know who was the original owner anymore? Could it be clothing? Toys? Videogames? Utensils? Some other electronics? They are just so used to sharing things that it actually doesn't matter who bought what? Or it could be anything else? They could just be used to share everything and anything! ;)

2: Oh, my! To finish this event with a golden key, I just wonder... Which heart-breaking scenes of them just make you cry harder? Make you want to hug them and wrap them in a blanket? The scene that shows you how painfully they care for each other? cr. for the gif: Momentofmemory